Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
