you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
