I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
