Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
