I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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