I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
