Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
