Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
