eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..