I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today