Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers