I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Are my feet made of real feet?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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