Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just blew my weed a kiss
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube