Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face

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(619): dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face http://tfl.nu/4ulx

Replies (24) Good night (721) Bad night (2390)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs

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(610): if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs http://tfl.nu/tehh

Replies (12) Good night (2797) Bad night (934)
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(206): View more from Washington

I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.

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(206): I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work. http://tfl.nu/jzpk

Replies (31) Good night (3593) Bad night (622)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down

(919): View more from North Carolina

i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him

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(336): he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down (919): i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him http://tfl.nu/upw6

Replies (67) Good night (3884) Bad night (1121)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.

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(504): standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules. http://tfl.nu/xkjo

Replies (46) Good night (4429) Bad night (605)
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(319): View more from Iowa

By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"

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(319): By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection" http://tfl.nu/gcjm

Replies (14) Good night (5240) Bad night (1087)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.

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(704): Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some. http://tfl.nu/ntfp

Replies (12) Good night (1211) Bad night (5218)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...

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(920): Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around... http://tfl.nu/q37r

Replies (4) Good night (3067) Bad night (2083)
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(207): View more from Maine

I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does

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(207): I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does http://tfl.nu/xjqc

Replies (2) Good night (570) Bad night (1607)
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(516): View more from New York

"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"

(516): View more from New York

Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.

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(516): "guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch" (516): Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student. http://tfl.nu/syiw

Replies (1) Good night (1164) Bad night (1128)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness

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(630): Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness http://tfl.nu/aq74

Replies (4) Good night (476) Bad night (1204)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water

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(701): I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water http://tfl.nu/kjo7

Replies (4) Good night (348) Bad night (1513)
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(206): View more from Washington

just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them

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(206): just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them http://tfl.nu/w8ay

Replies (5) Good night (353) Bad night (698)
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(850): View more from Florida

Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."

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(850): Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening." http://tfl.nu/4kvm

Replies (5) Good night (459) Bad night (818)
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(585): View more from New York

I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.

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(585): I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits. http://tfl.nu/c0pb

Replies (8) Good night (358) Bad night (639)

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