she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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