She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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