I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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