you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
