So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
