grandma shit on top of the toilet
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We named our party play list daddy issues
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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