is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
