yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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