So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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