You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
