I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
