I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
