i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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