do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
