Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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