Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
