Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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