Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
