we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
