Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just want nice things and good sex
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
