All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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