Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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