rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
