I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
