Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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