is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
