what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
