Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
