I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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