Your mouth is God's brothel.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
