i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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