Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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