so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
