i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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