I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
