i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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