Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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