So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
