I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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