Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
