just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
