I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
