I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
