i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
