3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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