I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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