I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
