you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
