Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
