OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
