he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
