I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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