hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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