That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
