i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Randomize
