and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
