If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
