She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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