i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
