I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize