Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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