dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
