My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
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They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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