Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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